


Enemy of mine

by Donya



Series: Tony in distress [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: A bit of Stony, Abuse, Cry for help, Dark Loki, M/M, Rape, Toxic Relationship, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 09:22:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony, don't try to cheat on Loki with Capsicle. Loki doesn't forgive easily. </p><p>Dark Loki, dark Frostiron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enemy of mine

**Author's Note:**

> It's a dark fic from the point of view of a manipulated victim, nothing about this is good.

Tony was not even sure why did that. Why he invited Capsicle. It might have been the thrill of seducing someone better than him, dragging Captain Morality down. Or quite the contrary, maybe Tony wanted to regain Cap's respect- that thing with Loki, Stevie only gritted his teeth and looked so awfully disappointed. Perhaps Tony needed to prove his worth to Steve because he was never good enough, for anyone. It could have been just a stupid challenge. Or wishing to try something new, something different, something he could not get from Loki. Quite obvious that Stevie would be nothing like Loki. Or he just liked Cap and wanted to spend one evening with a friend.

Never mind the reason- the Cap was in Tony's workshop and Tony could not remember laughing that much. He did not laugh honestly in some time. It was so much easier to be around someone so straightforward, no hidden meaning in his words, his kindness true, Tony finally relaxed. However, it did not stop him from flirting with Stevie. Almost innocently, a little smile, a hand on a shoulder, calling him 'dear', trying to impress him. Tony was not sure what he actually wanted, where was the line he could not cross. That's the thing with flirting- it's all fun and games until it's not.

Tony was sitting on the worktable and could not even remember what he was explaining to Steve because Capsicle put his left hand next to Tony's thigh and looking straight into his eyes, slowly put the right one just under Tony's knee and pulled him down. Tony stood leaning his back against the table, Cap's hands holding the table trapped him but they were not touching, just gazing at each other, grinning. Then Stevie moved closer, Tony closed his eyes, leaving the decision to the Cap. A light touch on his lips, surprisingly gentle, no rush, no demands, just this infinite moment of a soft caress. Tony melted. He totally could take it slow and maybe think about what he was doing. He should have- it was too late when they heard Loki.

'Am I interrupting something?' 

Capsicle stepped back but Loki saw everything. The kiss itself, that strangely exciting shyness between them. Tony could easily imagine their unhurried way to the bed, how beautiful Steve would look all flushed and sweaty. It was a reccurring thought- he might have chosen the wrong guy. Said wrong guy kept his distance and appeared to be calm and composed. Tony knew him well enough to tremble with fear. Loki was seething internally. It was only a matter of time before-

'I should go.' Stevie grabbed his jacket and left. Tony wished he could join him. Leave, escape and be far away from Loki. Dealing with his anger- it was exhausting. Tony could still feel the tingling on his lips and missed Steve. Steve would never treat him like Loki.

Loki did not move, just stood there like a statue, expressionless, waiting for the answer. Tony couldn't decide between lying and ignoring the question, he looked away, unable to meet Loki's gaze. He fucked things up, this time intentionally. Well, the previous times- he always felt guilty but now it seemed that he literally asked, begged to be caught red-handed. He didn't know what to say. So he stared at his boots, hoping Loki would just disappear.

'Do you really want to play this game, Tony?' That quiet voice was misleading. Tony knew, he fucking knew it was just a show. If only he could go after Stevie, forget about Loki. 

'Very well, then. Your own choice. You know where to find me.'

Tony sighed heavily when Loki left. He wanted to call Capsicle and ask him- or maybe- No, it was pointless. He lingered in the workshop, torn between the memory of the kiss and the anticipation of the consequences. He noticed he was shivering, he was hot and cold, he felt sick. Nothing he could do would change anything, he was knee-deep in trouble.

He waited over two hours before he went to the bedroom, Loki was there, as expected. Sitting on the bed, holding a crop, stroking the handle absent-mindedly. Tony stood at the door, quivering with fear, avoiding Loki's eyes. He wanted it to be over already, so he could take a long shower, get drunk and stop thinking. Maybe watch some stupid film about people dealing with trivial problems. Forget.

'Come here, Tony.' Loki said harshly. Tony shook his head no and leant against the doorframe. Loki watched him narrowly, his grip on the crop tightened, till his knuckles turned white. Making him more furious was not wise, Tony was only making it worse.

'Look, Loki, I-' he started but Loki's cold glare made him stutter. 'C-could we talk about this? I-I'm sorry, I messed up. Can we talk instead of-'

'Trying my patience, are you?' Loki rose to his feet. He was far more intimidating now, tall and dangerous. And he was serious, very serious. Tony wanted to say that Loki had unrealistic expectations about him and swear he wasn't really going to fuck Capsicle. But it was useless, none of such excuses would do any good. Loki had already decided. It was so hopeless.

'Sir, may I suggest-'

'Shut up, Jarvis. Loki, please, could we just-' Tony  knew his pathetic talk, his shaky voice and the tears welling in his eyes made him look miserable and only fueled Loki's anger. It was a vicious circle, a trap he could not escape. Finally Tony crossed the room and stopped in front of the bed. He picked up the crop Loki left there and after a moment of hesitation he handed it to Loki. Now, he thought, closing his eyes, now. 

 

* * *

 

The first time it happened Tony felt awfully guilty for pushing Loki to his breaking point. He did it on purpose, it annoyed him that Loki was always so composed, smug and cold, as if nothing Tony did could make him lose his temper. It was somewhat challenging for Tony. One night they went  out, Tony drank too much and couldn't shut up. Anyway, what could have happened? They were on public, after all. Once they left the restaurant, Tony started mumbling something about Loki's daddy issues and feeling bold, he suggested they could give the daddy kink a try. Next thing he knew, he was lying on the pavement, holding his cheek, the pulsating pain took his breath away. Fucking Loki punched him. There were people around, though too busy pretending they didn't see anything. Before Tony managed to stand up, another blow made him scream. And another and another.

He woke up the next morning, sore and confused. Loki was lying next to him, reading a book, like nothing happened and having noticed that Tony was awake, asked if he wanted coffee. Not a word about _this_. Tony wanted to kick him out and send Thor after him. But Loki brought him the coffee and ran him a bath. He was all gentle and patient, his good mood stopped Tony's murderous thoughts. They took the bath together and he drank his coffee, his only meal that day- he could barely move his jaw. Loki dried him with a towel and led back to the bed. Tony was in pain, sex was the last thing he wanted but it was easier to just let Loki fuck him. Lie on his stomach and fake moaning, hoping Loki would finish soon. But Loki only pretended to forgive him, he realised that when Loki made him open his mouth and suck. It hurt so much, he cried and cried, choking, unable to  give Loki what he wanted. Unless Loki wanted exactly this- sobbing Tony on his knees, struggling to please him despite the pain. His jaw was killing him. Loki stood still and Tony almost wished he would just fuck his mouth so it wouldn't last that long.  

It was easier not to discuss the previous night. It was a one time thing, a mistake, it was Tony's fault. It wasn't that bad, after all.

 

* * *

 

'Twenty one. Twenty two.'

He had to count the strikes. At first he thought it was awfully cruel to force him to think when his mind was pain-fogged. It turned out to be quite helpful, actually. Tony had something to focus on, numbers. It grounded him, it was like an anchor that kept him from drifting away. Numbers, math, science, that was his world. He knew he wasn't just a whining piece of shit beaten till he bled. He was Tony Stark and nothing Loki did or say could change that.

So he counted obediently, he cried out after a strike, then choked out the number and took a deep breath before another lash. A steady pattern. It was easier this way. It kept him from losing his mind. Even when he didn't recognise his voice.

'Thirty four. Thirty five.'

He preferred it this way, it forced him to breathe steadily, he didn't fall into panic that soon. Sometimes, though, Loki didn't want him to count and that was worse. All Tony could do was to cry and beg hopelessly. But he was smart, smarter than Loki and with time, he learnt some tricks. No fighting at the beginning to avoid the handcuffs, so he could claw at the sheets, pull at them, tear them. It eased the pain, just as digging his nails into his own flesh, the top of forearms, he would rake the skin there, hard. Distraction, a poster on the wall he only looked at during- when- anyway, the poster, four lines of words, capital letters, he barely understood the meaning but he stared at them, at those letters, the font, the colour, how he hated that stupid French _r_ , why couldn't they write it normal, their _z_ equally confusing. Looking at the poster and thinking about the letters, desperate clinging to his sanity. Or planning how he would indulge himself afterwards. For being that brave. He pictured comforting food, a large mug of milky coffee and a bag of doughnuts or maybe pancakes, something greasy, fattening, to feel better. Never mind he always felt nauseous the morning after. Anything to push away the terrifying thought: _What if he won't stop this time?_

He was smarter than Loki and knew what the bastard wanted. A pitiful sobbing victim. Tony didn't hold back his tears, didn't mute his cries. He cried louder than he needed, wailed before the pain really became unbearable, to speed things up. Loki enjoyed breaking him, so he pretended it happened faster. He would repeat 'please, I'm sorry, please, stop', marvelling at how honest he sounded. _Please, Loki, stop. Please, I'll do anything._ Ah, this. Tony knew the beating was just a foreplay. When he was lucky, he could distract Loki, draw his attention to sex. Loki wasn't good with multitasking, he never hit Tony while fucking him. So he begged for Loki's dick, _oh please fuck me, please, I need you_. He offered to suck him off and make it good for him. It was such a relief when he managed to fool Loki into this, when the crop or the whip or the belt landed on the floor. The pain stopped, never mind that only for a moment, the overwhelming pleasure of it was mind blowing. That's right, the greatest pleasure in life is the pain fading away _._

The bed would dip under Loki's weight, Tony took deep breaths, relaxing his body for what was to come. Tensing was bad, he forced himself to avoid it, not to fight the intrusion. The only thing he had to do was to make Loki cum and then he could fall asleep, then it'd be over. 

Loki was impatient, too aroused by watching bloodied Tony writhing and squirming beneath the crop. Even when Tony was bold enough to hand him the lube, it usually was pushed off the bed. Or the bottle ended in Tony's mouth, he would gag but never dared taking it out. But he always coughed when Loki prodded at his entrance, it made it easier, his muscles were less tense. Nevertheless, it hurt. Loki knew how to make it painful. But it was almost over, Tony could take it, he could endure it. Just this and then hours of sleeping. 

However, sometimes none of his tricks worked. Sometimes, he was tied down, chained to the bed, blindfolded, gagged, no way of taking his mind off that nightmare. He listened to his whimpers, the sheets wet with his drool. It did not happen often but Loki could be so furious that Tony passed out from the pain before the sex. In the morning, he would feel it, though, he knew Loki fucked him anyways. The idea of him thrusting into the limp body, of being taken not only without his consent but also without his knowledge, it sickened him. It made him afraid of falling asleep at Loki's side.

 

* * *

 

After the third or the fourth time Tony had to go to the doctor. It hurt so much he had no choice. The humiliation of the examination, it was like reliving the ordeal but now with a stranger. Tony was acutely aware of the bruises and scars on his back, ass and thighs. He bit on his knucles, he couldn't cry, it would only made it look worse. He got a prescription for an anaesthetic gel and a free lecture. 

The next visit was even more embarrassing. The doctor suggested using lubricant, _wow, thanks, awesome idea, explain that to Loki, will you, you idiot_. Tony told him that most often they used it. The awkward silence. He almost admitted that it was punishment. Learning a very hard lesson. That time he got a phone number to a therapist. Like he needed that.

Last time the doctor mentioned anal dilatation. Oh perfect. Fucking Loki doing what he wanted, while Tony had to discuss his ass things with a judgemental doc.

'Is it happening more often now?' Stupid doctor guessed Tony not always visited him. Sometimes it just healed. Sometimes he was too ashamed.

'No, no, no. No.' Tony tried sounding confident and outgoing, not like a scared victim. He was Tony Stark. But the way the doctor looked at him, that annoying pity, that concern, it made his eyes water. It was all so fucking stupid.

'Look. Rape not only ruins your body but-'

'Whoa, stop, that's not what it is' Tony exclaimed a bit too loud. Just not the 'r' word.

'- but also your mind. It changes you.'

'No, no, no.'

'Anxiety? Nightmares? Self-harm? Low self-esteem?'

Fucking Loki, fucking fuck.

'No, none of these. We're fine, just from time to time-'

'If you don't want sex and your partner forces you to it, then it is rape.' Fucking semantics. 'No consent equals rape. You don't have to stay with someone who is hurting you. Even if it's only  _from time to time_.' 

 

The doctor would tell him that there's no shame in being a victim. No shame, huh? Somehow each and every visit was like a festival of shame. But the nice cooling gel was worth it.

 

* * *

 

Most often Tony was alone the morning after. The nauseating smell of blood forced him to get up despite the pain. The routine- changing the sheets, cleaning the bedroom, opening the windows, then to the bathroom, assessing his injuries, taking a shower, applying the gel. Getting dressed and pretending nothing happened. 

Tony knew he was alone, so he cried stripping the bed. Fucking blood soaked into the mattress. He couldn't just flip the damn thing because he had done that already. Fuck. He kicked the bed, threw the sheets on the floor and went to the bathroom. He looked into the mirror and froze. It had never been that bad. His ass, the left thigh and half of his back- that was just one fucking large bruise. Dark purple, almost black, red. Dried blood below his ass. He stared at his reflection, at that pathetic battered body and could not believe it was _his_ body.  It looked like a paint, that huge bruise. How the fuck would that heal, he needed some blood thinners. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He never expected something like this. It was just unfair. 

 

* * *

 

Everyone knew he was with Loki. They could not stop warning him, especially Thor. _Tony, Tony, stop, think what you're doing, just stop_. Tony didn't listen, why would he. Screwing with a crazy god was exciting, risky, wrong. When the warnings turned out to be true, Tony couldn't just admit- _yeah, you were right, I regret ignoring the warning signs_. He smiled to hide a wince. He joked when he wanted to cry. They would say _I told you so_. I told you so, you were asking for trouble, you should have known, it's Loki, what did you expect. Or- it would be so much worse- they would pity him. Looking at him sadly. He'd be broken in their eyes, ruined, dirtied. What a shame. Shame shame shame. They would turn their back on him, nobody would even talk to him anymore. Perhaps that was Loki's goal. 

 

* * *

 

Tony got dressed and instead of the comforting food he dreamt about last night, he poured himself a drink. He remembered he had painkillers in his pocket. He had painkillers in most of his pockets. He took two, then added another one and after a thought, two more. It's not that easy to overdose painkillers and he didn't intend on doing so. He washed down the pills with another glass of scotch. Nice breakfast. 

He noticed a text from Capsicle. Concerned. Hoping nothing happened, hoping Loki wasn't crazy with jealousy. Tony automatically replied, lied, _everything's fine, no worries_. There, that was the moment he hit rock bottom. He fell so low. He was like those women with broken arms calling themselves so clumsy, staying with abusive husbands, lying to everyone that it wasn't so bad. Tony used to think they were partially responsible for what was happening to them, allowing the abuse to continue, he used to think they were pathetic- until it happened to him. It always starts gradually and you don't break up over a small thing. You don't throw away a broken bowl, you glue it. You don't realise you're trapped until you have to lie to the closest friends and hide bruises. 

He knew why he invited Capsicle. He wanted to provoke Loki. He needed a reason to end this relationship. Loki was possessive, seeing Tony with Steve made him ferocious. The giant bruise, that was the eye-opener, that was the sign he was looking for. The banner: _you've fucked up your life_. He never wanted to be that bruised again. That was it, he would tell Loki to get the hell out of his tower and never return. It was over. 

Seducing Steve was a cry for help. Steve was supposed to sense that something was wrong. Loki could walk on them any moment. Steve should have guessed Tony in fact wanted to be caught. It was meant to alarm him.

Now that Tony finally made his decision, he felt relieved. He wasn't broken, he could start all over- with Capsicle, he could change everything. Loki again would be just an enemy. Steve would never know. He might see the marks Loki left on him but Tony would never tell him the truth. No more mornings like that, he would get rid of the poster and the gel, he would buy a new mattress, erase every reminder of Loki. That was it. He imagined telling that to Loki, making him hurt, he could say something about Loki family issues, _you're not worth of anyone's notice, your parents didn't love you because you never deserved that and you'll never be loved._ Or compare him to Thor, yes, Thor was everything Loki wasn't. _I don't need someone like you, I deserve better_. Tony prepared his venomous speech emptying the bottle. Oh, Loki would regret he had ever met Tony. He started looking for a piece of paper and a pen to write down his evil ideas but gave up, he was too drunk. 

 

* * *

 

'Tony.'

It was dark outside, he must have fallen asleep. Another day well wasted. He was on the couch, on his side, all cozy under a plaid blanket he didn't remember pulling over himself. His mouth was dry, a horrible headache making its way through the grogginess. A cold, soothing touch on his burning forehead. That was the thing with Loki- he cured headache with his freaking hand. Tony smelled coffee- there was a steaming mug on the table in front of him. Loki always added too much sugar, damned sweet tooth, saying that it's more comforting this way. Maybe it was. Loki was sitting on the floor beside the couch, his face close to Tony's. A slow kiss, an arm wrapped around him, pulling him closer, until his face was buried in Loki's chest. He put his arm on Loki's shoulders, grabbed him, Loki was like an anchor.

After every episode, there were weeks of something like this- closeness, warmth, tenderness; they would talk and laugh, like nothing happened. Tony felt loved and safe and always, always hoped it would last. He thought that if that was the price for weeks of happiness, he could pay it. He understood that Loki had issues, having Thor as a brother, that would turn anyone insane. His freaking parents and Thor gave up on him, Tony didn't want to be like them, pushing away Loki just because he was troubled. He could fix him. 

'I'm sorry. I wasn't going to cheat on you,' Tony found out he was sincere. Capsicle, what was he thinking. Steve was nothing like Loki.

'All is forgiven,' Loki held him tight and Tony sighed with relief. 'Drink your coffee.' 

 

It wasn't really that bad.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Man, how I love making the characters suffer. Real people never deserve to be abused but the fictional characters are so screwed.
> 
> I don't like Captain America and I will call him Capsicle or Stevie. Because he pisses me off.
> 
> I'm sorry, semantics, sorry for insulting you! I love semantics.
> 
> The Chinese version, thanks to Fanny:  
> http://www.mtslash.com/forum.php?mod=viewthread&tid=102987&page=1&extra=


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